School counselors dissect an unprecedented year

Above: Denise Flynn, the counselor and Pro-Life Club moderator at St. Edward the Confessor School in Metairie, reads her third graders’ “Garden of Respect” poster listing the youngsters’ tips on how they show “respect” to others with reminders such as “Be kind,” “Do not bully” and “Use your manners.” (Photo by Beth Donze, Clarion Herald)

By BETH DONZE
Clarion Herld

As the school year winds down, the 38 Catholic elementary and high school counselors who gathered to share their on-the-job wisdom had some sobering, yet unsurprising, news to report: Nearly all had seen upticks in anxiety and depression among their students in academic year 2020-21.

Also frustrated, the counselors said, are parents, who were plunged into an unfamiliar role as teacher-motivators during their children’s virtual learning and who are still struggling, in many cases.

In the trenches are school counselors, teachers and administrators, trying to help families navigate through these unprecedented times, all while juggling their own pandemic-related challenges.

“There’s no one specific script that has been proven to be the one, right answer,” said Deacon Craig Taffaro Jr., a licensed professional counselor, leading the April 22 Zoom meeting of school counselors. Taffaro said school-based mental heath professionals have been among the “first responders” in the global pandemic that has upended – and ended – so many lives.
           
“Never, ever underestimate your influence, long after you engage someone, in terms of how they will recover and endure through some of the things that we’re dealing with,” Taffaro told them.

Resiliency being tested

The school counselors, who were surveyed in advance of the meeting, said the pandemic’s forced isolation, confusing mix of virtual and in-person learning and cancellation of most afterschool activities had exacerbated the problems of students who already were anxious, depressed and struggling academically.

Taffaro told the counselors that even children who seem to have adapted well to the contactless culture of COVID-19 have had their norms redefined.

“Children use these predictable, consistent experiences to learn how to interact, to learn how to deal with life in general,” he said. “When we start to pull those out, then we are undermining their natural ability for resilience.”

Some of the changes have been subtle, Taffaro said. For example, social cues such as “be safe” and “be careful” are now associated more frequently with “threat and risk,” rather than their former connotations of “comfort and security.”

“Think about the number of times that we say (‘be safe’) to our children,” Taffaro said. “Now we’re using that to address an imminent risk.”

Another sea change, although vital in the fight against COVID-19, has been the wearing of face masks at school, Taffaro said.

“There’s so much built into facial expression – learning social cues, learning when someone’s happy with us, when they’re not happy with us, when there’s a legitimate threat, when there’s not a legitimate threat – we’ve taken that out of the formula over this last year,” Taffaro said, adding that the masks have opened up another can of worms for some young people: Students who tend to be “the wallflowers” now have found “a natural way not to have to engage.”

“Masks have given them an opportunity to be invisible, even within (an in-person) classroom setting,” he said.

Turn off the news

Constant statistical monitoring, with its daily slate of numbers of deaths, hospital beds, disease spikes and vaccinations, has also taken a toll on young people’s resilience, Taffaro said.

“If we just flipped the numbers and stopped looking at the number of deaths – however tragic and sad those deaths are – to talk about the number of survivors, then we’d be changing the message about how we can endure and get through (this) crisis,” said Taffaro, who advises parents to refrain from having “disaster talks” in front of their children and to limit their intake of news.

“That doesn’t mean we don’t answer questions that they have, but we don’t give them more information than they could possibly handle,” he said. “(We need to emphasize) that this is a situation that is not forever, that this too still shall pass. Children have a difficult time projecting into the future; they don’t have the long journey to look back to see that people (ultimately) get through difficult situations.”

Fostering positive connections between younger and older generations, now possible as more people get vaccinated, is a powerful way to help kids “extend into the future and see themselves as a vital part of it,” as their grandparents are today, Taffaro said.
In-person trumps virtual

In-person trumps virtual

Mark Williams, the principal of Archbishop Shaw High School, asked for tips on how to motivate students who are still faltering during this year of uncertainty. Taffaro said the shift to impersonal modes of interaction between young people, such as texting and gaming, was already under way well before the pandemic.

“What has happened during COVID is that it has been put on steroids,” Taffaro said. “Those people who find comfort in just dealing with people on a virtual basis now have really settled in. The tangible and physical aspect of being in a classroom – touching books and seeing how answers get processed in a human interaction – has a much more powerful impact on students than we ever thought.

“Any opportunity that we can to bring people face to face (is) a critical aspect of motivation. When we go remote, we inadvertently say, in a very subtle way, ‘(Learning) is not as important as it used to be.”

Motivational tips

Overarching the crisis has been a new role for parents: most had never thought of themselves as full-time teachers until the lockdown and continue to feel ill-equipped. A recurring concern among the school counselors is how difficult it has been to follow up with the parents of struggling, unmotivated students.

Brittany Breaux, the social worker for St. Rita School and Parish in New Orleans, said conducting home visits to school families in need of her services has been an effective means of opening those parental lines of communication.

“We’re school counselors, but I think sometimes we have to think outside of the box and outside of our (school) identification and meet the parents where they are,” Breaux said, reporting that the home visits have made it more comfortable for parents to contact her when a problem arises.

Bronwyn Myer, the counselor at St. Mary Magdalen School in Metairie, said communication and trust can be fostered simply by being present to students, parents and faculty. Myer is visible and engaged at morning drop-off, in the hallways and at recess.

“They know that I’m accessible. I’m very rarely at my desk,” she said. “I think it’s about building that relationship (with parents and students) that you are approachable, that you are keen with your listening and attention skills.”

Taffaro offered some parting advice to the school counselors: take time out for self-care when you feel worn down.

“Do some prayer, do some reflection, call someone and scream and cry with them,” he advised. “Do the things that help to re-energize yourself, because people aren’t going to stop pulling at you; people aren’t going to stop needing you; (but) you can only give what you have to give, and you can only do what you’re capable of doing.”

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