When Love Feels One-Sided

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." — John 13:34

Most marriages begin with a beautiful example of mutually sacrificial love where partners look for ways to pour into each other. I remember those early days when the love between my husband and me felt so overwhelming, in the best way. I thought, “If he loves me this much, and it’s only a fraction of how much God loves me –WOW!”

But over time, I slipped into a pattern I didn’t even notice at first. I began expecting too much of my husband. I wanted him to anticipate my needs, provide solutions before I asked and meet whims I hadn’t spoken out loud.

And I realized something humbling: my children were doing the same with me. Because “Mom can do anything,” they expected me to do everything – fix every problem, smooth every rough edge, and show up at all times with a happy heart and willing spirit. As mothers, we often lean into that role, and I was no different. I wanted their lives to run smoothly, their hearts to be comforted, their desires to be met. 

But here’s the truth I came to learn I’m human, too. I hurt. I make mistakes. I have needs. Love was never meant to flow in one direction.

Living this way took its toll. Giving endlessly without receiving left me drained. It seeped into my marriage, my parenting, my health and even my faith. The cost was emotional burnout, quiet resentment and the risk of raising children who didn’t fully appreciate love.

What changed everything for me was recognizing this truth in scripture: Jesus didn’t just give love – he received it too. He accepted meals, comfort and care from his friends. His love was mutual, not one-sided.

That truth shifted everything for me. If even Jesus modeled receiving, why did I think I had to carry it all alone?

Learning to Receive

The shift didn’t happen overnight. Years of habits don’t dissolve in a moment. But slowly, I learned to express my needs, adjust my expectations and give my family opportunities to love me, too.

I started small. I voiced one need out loud – sometimes to my husband, sometimes to my children, sometimes even to a friend. When those needs were met, I realized something powerful: they could love me back. I didn’t have to be invisible or unappreciated.

And what happened next was even better: my children began noticing the invisible work I had carried all along. One laughed in disbelief that the sink filled with dishes again after he’d just washed them. Another observed how much easier clean-up was when everyone put things back in their place. They began asking how I was doing and whether I needed help. 

Today, others compliment my children on their empathy, their thoughtfulness, and their awareness of others. These qualities were not accidental – they were taught and modeled at home through learning that love is about sharing the load. 

The Heart of It

Learning to both give and receive has changed not only me but also my family. Love in our home flows both ways. We see one another, care for one another and reflect the very heart of God together. 

Prayer

Lord, thank You for teaching me that love is not just about giving, but also receiving. Thank You for reshaping my marriage and my motherhood through this truth. Continue to help our family grow in grace, gratitude and mutual care.

Reflection Question

What small step can you take this week to both give and receive love more intentionally in your home?