Young parents need to ‘protect’ their marriage

In what may be the longest unpacking venture of our lives, we’ve slowly – at a snail’s pace – pulled our house into a home. 
    

There’s something about the familiarity of art and photos. There’s a warmth and coziness that makes it feel like home. So, despite the boxes still lurking in a few corners and closets, the walls tell the story of us.
    

It’s a story that has changed over time but seems to have changed in wide-ranging ways in the past few months.
 

Juxtaposed against those images telling the story of our union are photos taken just before we left the hospital as new parents.
    

The boys are wrapped in their blankets, alongside a very raw photo of my husband and me – puffy-faced and -eyed, with hospital bands on our arms – holding our week-old baby boys. 
    

Those pictures are a reminder that a lot has happened in the almost eight years of our marriage (not to mention the 13 years of our relationship).
    

Everyone hears that life changes once kids are introduced into the picture. But it isn’t until after their arrival that you realize what that means. It’s difficult to articulate – except to say that everything changes.
    

In the prenatal classes, we listened to couples emphasize the need to focus not just on caring for the precious lives that have been entrusted to our care, but also to care for ourselves and each other.
    

“Protect your marriage,” I remember hearing.
    

At the time, I only half-listened. We had talked about that already, I thought. With two babies, it has to be a partnership. With two babies and no family in close proximity, who else would we rely on except each other?
    

Staring at photos of our wedding day, that phrase – “protect your marriage” – came echoing back. Now, after just six months of parenting, I see the necessity of that protection. 
    

One of those stark changes in parenthood involves the marital relationship. Most days, it feels like we’re just business partners: what’s on the schedule this weekend? Whose turn is it to do the laundry or give the bath? A quick “how was your day?” evolves into a flurry of activity involving shoveling dinner into our mouths in the 30-minute window between arriving home, giving baths and feeding the boys before their bedtime routine.
    

It’s the story of most parents in the early stages of childhood – a story many are familiar with, but one that doesn’t seem to register until you’re actually in the trenches.
    

If marriage is the bedrock of the family unit, that union must be protected. It’s no surprise – given the increasing exhaustion and uncountable arguments that arise over seemingly nothing – that the tension and emotional toll of the first year of parenthood can also erode the marital foundation. 
    

So, how can we protect that?
    

It’s a question at the forefront of our new stage of life. Because now, more than ever, it seems that we need strong marriages and strong families to pave the way for the next generation. 
    

But this is even more personal: Our relationship models for our boys – even in these early stages – the marriage covenant as an embodiment of God’s love.
    

Dr. Heather Bozant Witcher can be reached at [email protected].